New Conclusions

What better way to officially start off a new chapter in this personal blog than to talk about conclusions? A sense of conclusion doesn’t seem to exist as much anymore. We are always waiting for the next big thing. I want to try to live more now, much like a dog does. I think some of my everyday stress, believe it or not, comes from TV shows more than work.

I am the kind of person that likes to see things through. I generally complete all projects, even the bad ones. Lately, I’ve been trying to play triage and trying to make more cutthroat decisions about what is worth my time and what is not. It’s been a lot less stressful. One such area of distraction, as I said, was TV. As is, television is certainly a big enough drain on my productivity, but I had become much more overwhelmed lately. There has been this looming idea that I could complete my ever-growing Netflix queue. I felt the need to complete shows I began even when they were horrible.

As a kid, some of the people around me would criticize something without truly understanding it and I would always be upset by this. On top of that I recall those people harassing me if I attempted to speak knowledgeable about a topic I clearly knew little to nothing about. Both of these things frustrated me so much that I wanted to keep learning more and more about a wide array of topics. I became dedicated to being able to speak confidently about things because I had experienced them first hand. And if I had not genuinely experience those things, I would admit it instead of pretending to know something.

I thought I truly knew movies well and that I wasn’t addicted to them but rather I was a connoisseur. In reality all I had was a collection of about 300 dvds (only 20 of which were pretty good movies). I would rewatch the good ones over and over again. I became so aware of these movies that they could become background noise while I worked. I eventually got this twisted idea that having a movie in the background helps me work just as well as music. Of course, this is only true when I have already seen the movie. But if it is a new movie or TV show it would just be far too distracting for me.

I feel this need to give it my full attention. And the increase in quality serialized TV has required even more unending commitment. And with Netflix, it’s not like I can just let it go, live my life and actually tune in next week anymore. I can almost always find what I want to watch and download it or stream it from somewhere. There is nothing stopping me from Binge watching an entire series.

I began writing this entry about a month ago and at the same time was concerned about being distracted from work that needed to get done. The good news is that I have finally weened myself off this addiction. Also while the pursuit of knowledge is a good thing, knowing what is worth time and energy and what is not is even more crucial.  In a recent sleep study, I enjoyed the aspect of the strange sleep pattern that actually divided my sleep pattern into smaller and more manageable segments. I was far more productive during the smaller blocks of time than a vast unorganized block. But I realized that my productivity is not really based on actual usable time in day, but rather the perceived time.

Now, I simply organize my day out as if I am very busy with a many small chunks of time doing simple tasks with allotted time for random things or non-work related activities. I used similar way of organizing my schedule when it was at its busiest in high school and undergrad and it worked very well. It seems that when I transitioned into the “real world” I lost sense of that order and organization that kept me motivated, interested, productive, and happy. Now I have finally regained control of my time and I feel much more balanced.